How to write a thank you without offending anyone: Ode to the 2016 Election

Dear 2016 Presidential Election,

Thank you for being over (almost), but we’re really going to miss you.

You’ve entertained us for two years, streaming into our living rooms for hours every night and showing us Alec Baldwin’s and Kate McKinnon’s hidden talents. We now have the ability not only to impersonate presidential candidates, but also the technology to make them dance and sing. What fun.

Thank you, CNN, NBC, CBS, and Fox News, for redefining “breaking news.” Remember when what followed that announcement was, “We’re cutting away from game 5 of the NBA Finals, where the Knicks and the Rockets are in a dead heat, to report that former Heisman Trophy Winner, OJ Simpson, is heading up the 405 in his white Ford Bronco, chased by twenty LAPD squad cars...”? Now, it’s, “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news: Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a loser. Let’s hear what their daughters have to say about it…”

Thank you for adding Uuuuuuge to the American lexicon. We’ll be saying that one for a long time.

Thank you for helping us realize that we live in a country with diverse opinions, which our Constitution allows each of us to express. And, thank you for showing us that whether we are immigrants or stock brokers, teachers or coalminers, we all want the same things – peace, prosperity, the well-being of family.

Thank you for reminding us that to the rest of the world, we might seem like one chaotic mess, but regardless of who wins this election, we will still be proud to be Americans - at least those of us who haven’t moved to Canada.

Truly, no matter what we each believe or which boxes we check, thank you for each of us having the power to determine what happens in this election.

Courtesy of the red, white, and blue,